Like the big girl in that Traveling Pants movie

Oh, God, no, pants not supposed to go into the dryer wound up in the dryer. Ohhh, God, I’m definitely not a quadruple zero and these are not magical fit-all pants. I’m barely fastened and they look suspiciously similar to those skinny jeans that cling in heinously spandexed ways inappropriately akin to nudity.

Sweet Jesus. I can’t breathe.