From Aileen:

http://www.marvelousmanboobs.com»

You want to click. You’re going to click. I know it.

Yes. I did. I cried.
Then I forwarded it to Brian.

And yes. So did Brian. He cried.
Win!

Scene: Outside of Target where Greenpeace was waiting to ambush people.

Greenpeace Girl: Do you have a moment?
m: No, not today!
GPGirl: But we’re trying to save the whales! The biggest mammals on earth!
m: I know. I’m Japanese, I eat whales.
GPGirl: …
m: Okay, no, no, I’m kidding.
     But really you should try to save some wild trout.
GPGirl: …

b: [picks up cup of hot tea, takes a miniscule sip, winces, puts it down]
m: [snickers]
b: [turns to look at the source of the snicker]
m: ..Pussy.
b: [abashed]
m: Win!

Oh, and another NSFW:

Context: I was putting an antibiotic cream on the cat because she’s still licking sores into herself.

m: [walks out of the bathroom panting after a fight with the cat]
     That’s the first pussy I’ve creamed that didn’t like it.
b: [looks up from lap top with a blank stare]
     [breaks into hysterical laughter]
m: Am I crass?
b: Yes. Yes.

All right. Let’s get this straight. Vaccines work. I am so tired of this crap about the flu shot and vaccines.

Smallpox was eradicated because of the vaccine. I dare you to look anybody in the face and tell them that the world was better with smallpox outbreaks.

Polio has not been eradicated because there are populations that still believe that vaccines cause impotence. In many villages in India, children are hidden when the World Health Organization comes around for free vaccinations. Later, when a child is diagnosed with polio in that village, the WHO must again dispatch teams to these remote villages at great cost. They travel on scooters over rough roads for hours gripping onto an ice box containing vaccines. They knock on every door, trying to vaccinate every child. The kids they don’t reach — they’re paralyzed.

It seems that in the States, the most prevalent reason not to vaccinate is the fabled causation of autism.

“My parents didn’t have this wealth of knowledge. I can make more educated decisions [even though I was vaccinated and I am fine].” Dr. Google now provides access to the words of supposed “professionals” who are in reality completely unqualified to make such claims. If these mass hysterics were to read actual science journals, the kind you pay for [!!!] on PubMed, they would find that science has found no plausible connection between vaccines and autism. You know, if they were qualified enough to understand the papers. Your internet friend is not a qualified source.

“There are more children today with autism than ever before.” This can be explained by the broadening definitions of autism. High-functioning autists and those with certain autism spectrum disorders weren’t included before. There are more advanced tests to detect autism at a younger age which leads parents to believe that the autism was a result of a recent vaccination.

“Children can’t take the levels of mercury in the preservative!” Have you fed him fish lately? Because you might as well be force-feeding him autism. Also, do you believe in antibiotics? Because you shouldn’t if you don’t believe in vaccines. Would you treat your child with a tetanus shot if he stepped on a rusty nail?

“It’s a government conspiracy!” …Have you not seen diseases eradicated because of vaccines? Measles? Smallpox? Do you deny the existence of those historical events? [By the way, do you know the miracle that was the birth of the smallpox vaccine? Benjamin Jesty and Edward Jenner -- geniuses. Can you tell that the virologist in me is squealing and jumping up and down?]

And lastly, the closing argument when they can’t defend themselves any longer — the defiance tactic:
“But I won’t take that risk with my child.” *head desk* *head desk* *HEAD DESK* *HEADDESKHEADDESKHEADDESK* “Maternal instinct” does not override science.

There exists a need for herd immunity. Herd immunity is the proven theory that in order to maintain the eradication of a certain disease, a certain percentage of the population must be vaccinated. Therefore, every parent thinking that their child is special is bringing the general population one step closer to the resurgence of polio, rubella, mumps, smallpox. Brian and I have seen parents who expect other children to be vaccinated — but not theirs. My, what consideration you have.

We agree that people should have the choice to vaccinate or not, but that those who decline should be quarantined in a separate location in [or outside of] the United States. No community parks for their kids. Let the diseases rage amongst themselves.

You can’t cure stupid. But you can kill it. [Oooops, did I say that out loud?]

Click through at your own risk.
 

m: [pointing to sign]
     Look! A move-in special at the Peach Tree Inn!
b: Free masturbation in the elevators!
m: Three guys for the price of one!
b: Take a dump in the corner of your room at no charge!
m: Free glory hole installed in your room!
b: …
m: Win!

Scene: I’m waiting for Brian outside of Valentine’s [our local Mexican eatery] with Sachi. [For reference, we live on the west edge of East Village.]

Interaction 1:
Man1: [leery, red-faced, reeking of booze]
     Hey, are you Japanese?
m: Er. Yes.
Man1: I just talked to your husband in there. He told me.
m: Oh.
Man1: I think Japanese women are gorgeous.
m: …
     Thank.. You..?
Man1: Konnichiwa! Sayonara!
     ["Hello! Good-bye!", walks away]

Interaction 2:
Man2: [A mid-sixties-ish man with a comb-over giving off an uncomfortable vibe]
     Oh, your dog is ADORABLE. What is she?
m: Uh. A mutt. An Eskimo mix.
Man2: Well, she’s beautiful. Have a great night!
     [turns around]
m: [thinking, "Oh, God, please go away, go away, go away. Why are you turning around?"]
     [frantic, trying to make eye-contact with Brian who's casually filling salsa cups]
Man2: You know, I almost never come to East Village, I live a quarter mile that way [points farther west].
     But today my coworker dropped me off over here and I’m walking home.
m: Ah.
Man2: This is a great part of downtown with the neat little restaurants.
     I should come here more often.
m: [thinking "Oh, God, please don't, please don't, please don't."]
     Mmhmm.
Man2: [walks away]

[Brian comes out]
m: WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG??
b: What? What’s wrong?
m: You have no idea what smarm I just endured. Didn’t you see the creepy old men talking to me?!
b: No.
m: *whimper*
     [fills him in on the conversation 1]
b: What?! I didn’t talk to anybody about you being Japanese or my wife.
m: Yeah, I knew that. Which made it CREEPIER.

m: [fills him in one conversation 2]
b: He lives that way?
     Maybe he lives at..
     [raises eyebrow]
     The Peach Tree Inn*.
m: [punches Brian as hard as possible with the fist with a ring on it on the bicep where he received his flu shot]
b: OW! OWW!
     [but keeps on laughing hysterically]

*sad face* :(

*The Peach Tree Inn is a nearby apartment unit. They rooms are tiny, furnished, and they charge about $450/ month which makes it a hot spot for ex-cons. There are 15 sex offenders at that single location. It is a limitless source of inapproriate humor. [By the way, did you know that zipcode 92101 has 159 registered sex offenders? Jesus.]

Since my epilepsy neurologist perfectly nailed my meds on the first try, I’ve been terrified of adding anything on for prophylaxis for my migraines. But it’s been one year since that fateful day on September 25 and I couldn’t put it off any longer.

I started a new medication last week and as usual, most of my side effects are on the “infrequent” list — severe nausea, insomnia, dry mouth, dehydration. However, I have one frequent side effect — “headache.” But I don’t know if I’m in a bad headache rut or if the medication is worsening it. Uhhh.. This is supposed to treat my headaches how?

I’ve been on so many medications that when my pharmacist sees me coming, she [probably] thinks, “Oh, God, here’s the manic-depressive, hypertensive, epileptic girl with fibromyalgia and an anxiety disorder and migraines and Alzheimer’s.”

I can’t restrain my joy these days. Now, please excuse me, I feel like hell.

EDIT
I’m quitting my new medication after not being able to eat for three days or sleep for two nights, and fainting last night. The half-life is 60 to 100 hours [which is insanely long] so it’ll be a while before I’m back to baseline. I’m going up to Berkeley to see K tomorrow; I hope I can enjoy at least the latter half of the trip. Better living through chemistry, woo! I’m exhausted! And bitchy! [Er, bitchiER.]
/EDIT

Sachi’s cancer is back.

She was treated for breast cancer at the SPCA before we adopted her. This time, it’s most likely metastatic; the biopsy had lymphoid tissue. We don’t have a time-frame yet. We might run X-rays on her major organs to see how dire the situation is. But beyond that, we can’t afford to, nor can we bear to watch this sweet dog suffer through tumor-chasing treatments and possible multiple surgeries.

In the meantime, she’s still so happy! And fwuffy! And she makes me giggle. We’re off for a walk!
                    

EDIT
X-rays: Heart and right lung look clean, but left lung has tiny spots. Radiographs are being sent out for a second opinion. The vet attempted to gently tell me not get my hopes up, but I interrupted him — I’m a medical, realistic person. I know what a cancerous lymph node means. What recurring cancer, metastases mean. My grief is in that she can’t tell me when she hurts. I just can’t stand the idea of her suffering.
/EDIT

Eleven months 
                                                  and still,
 
 
                          still
 
 
                      wringing, searing
                        my heart
 
 

Books say that there are three types of headaches — migraine, tension, cluster. [I'm leaving cluster headaches out because thankfully, I've never gotten those.]

But it runs deeper than that, the lines are much more blurred. There are different sub-types and various combinations of those. It’s no wonder why my neurologists have given up on me. I’m writing this to make myself feel better — at least I’m not in the last two categories right now. I used to have the ability to deal with five days in the #3 category, but I’ve gone and spoiled myself — I’ve only been in the #2 category for three days and I’m already feeling sorry for myself.

What I suffer from:
1. Mild tension-migraine:
    Bilateral pressing, tightening quality around temples with slight pulsing
    Cervical pain which can be temporarily relieved with massage
    Duration is limitless
    Slight nausea
    Slight photophobia, phonophobia, olfactophobia
    Considered a “good” day
    [2-3 on a pain scale of 1 to 10] [75% tension, 25% migraine]

2. Moderate tension-migraine:
    Gripping, choking feeling in cervical region
    Worsens with exertion
    Increased photophobia and phonophobia and olfactophobia
    Increased nausea
    Duration is limitless
    Still functional for brainless tasks
    [4-5 on a scale of 1 to 10] [65% tension , 35% migraine]

3. Moderate migraine-tension:
    Can drive in early stages
    Very sensitive photophobia, phonophobia, olfactophobia
    Nausea, vomiting
    Dull throbbing in cervical region
    Stabbing pain in temples and eyes
    Generally unilateral
    Vision begins to warp on one side [double vision, inaccurate depth perception and everything is tinged yellowish-green]
    Hurts just badly enough that I would rather stay awake and read or watch TV because laying down to sleep would mean facing the pain for the 15 minutes it takes to fall asleep
    Can be functional in that I can walk around
    [6-7 on a scale of 1 to 10] [30% tension headache, 70% migraine]

4. Severe migraine-tension: So bad that it deserved its own page. You really shouldn’t click.
    [8-9 on a scale of 1 to 10] [5% tension headache, 95% migraine]

Doctors ask me, “How many migraines have you had this month?” Uh. Do you count the kind #2? The kind #3? Because they’ve all had migrainous symptoms. Or just the 4’s? And on the scale of 1 to 10? Well, there’s no such thing as a 10, because there’s no limit to how much pain one can experience. If I got my limbs torn off, that’d probably become the new 9, and I would think that this headache 9 would become an 8. I don’t know if that makes sense to you, but it does to me. Anyway, I hem and haw and the doctors are in a rush. “Next patient, next patient!!”, they’re undoubtedly thinking. But then, they remember — “Oh, right, but she’s ‘one of our own.’ Or at least the ‘wife’ of ‘one of our own’ and should be treated as such. *sigh*”