You see, I lose things. Memos. Phones. Wallets. Well, I can’t lose my laptop, right? Actually, I have, it was at the bottom of a pile of folded laundry, but whatever. Even if I lose my laptop, Brian won’t. And I can’t lose the Internet. I guess the Internet could fail in this condo, but it won’t simultaneously go out at Java Jones and Starbucks. I suppose it could, but if the Internet fails, I’m sure the airline business will turn into a huge clusterfuck and flights won’t take off and then I won’t need this list because I won’t need to pack! If I keep this on my computer, I could lose a file, but I can’t lose a post on my webpage unless WordPress fails, but that’s unlikely. I hope. SEE? INGENIOUS. I slay myself.

Checklist in preparation for Christmas departure
     ■Send Christmas cards
     ■Print Amtrak tickets
     ■Go visit Aileen with Allison [!!]
     ■Check/fill Rx’s
     ■Pick up tickets
     ■Confirm Sachi’s boarding reservation [12/24-12/26]
     ■PACK
          Check-in:
                    Gifts for Mama, Papa, Obaachan
                    Cell bio text, 1984, Life of Pi, maybe The Big Sleep
                    Some combination of shirts/ sweaters to last ten days
                    Skinny dark jeans/ grey jeans
                    Pajamas
                    Toiletries
                    Purple pea coat
                    Stiletto boots/ houndstooth flats

          Carry-on:
                    Wallet [green card]/ phone/ house keys/ passport/ meds!!
                    The Ultimate Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy (Five novels in one outrageous volume)
                         (It’s 9.1 x 6.2 x 1.2 inches, says Amazon, but *crams it into purse*.)
                    Laptop/ iPod/ DS?
                    Heat pack
                    Food
                    Kitty

          Wear: Teal tank
                    Thin cream-colored jacket
                    Puffy down jacket
                    Dark flared jeans
                    Sheepskin boots

Not wasting the existing fridge contents
12/20 (U)
     Japanese-style hamburgers with oyster mushrooms/ Broccoli and green beans

12/21 (M)
[B's lunch: leftover hamburgers]
     Corn chowder with croutons and bacon bits/ Daikon and nappa cabbage salad/ Baked potatoes

12/22 (T)
[B's lunch: Pasta with red sauce]
     No dinner because I’m cavorting through Los Angeles with Alliai!

12/23 (W)
[B's lunch: residency catered]
     No dinner, still cavorting!

12/24 (R)
[B's lunch: residency catered]
Dinner:
     B: Off to Sac for the family/ m: Salad with whatever vegetables are left

12/25 (F)
For 19 hours of traveling:
     Onigiri (rice balls)
     Apples
     Vegetable sticks

She’ll crawl between the slats, get comfy on the ledge and sometimes stick her head out dangerously low. I’ve thought of shoving her, but then I’d have to fetch her and that involves going outside which is no good.

In the song “Do You Hear What I Hear?”, they sing “The Child sleeping in the night, He will bring us goodness and light.” As far as I know, a lot of wars began once Jesus ["hay-soos"] crashed the parta~y. And I’m pretty sure light existed before he showed up on the scene.

Obviously, I have issues with this song.

She is still ridiculously adorable:

She has taken to laying on the warm DVR since I refuse to use the heating system:

[The return of the cone only lasted a night. Phew.]

However, she is completely capable of attacking without notice:

Yesterday, I had the TV tuned to Animal Planet and I caught her watching it. The show was “Big Cat Challenge” on which they were comparing the three African big cats [lions, leopards, cheetahs] and their hunting methods and skills. The next time I looked up, the screen was showing how Nile crocodiles kill and tear their prey by doing the death roll. I swear, the cat is learning from the TV. Brian and I are afraid to close our eyes at night now. We think her tactic is going to be “Hamstrings first so they can’t run. Aim for the jugular. Then, roll.”

Brian was in an accident today. It looked like this:

Says driver: “I DIDN’T SEE YOU!” Of course not, HID headlights and all.

Brian couldn’t slow down in time, so he T-boned the car. Lucky for him, he wound up low-siding instead of high-siding over the car. Also lucky for him, he wasn’t directly in front of the car getting mowed down. His knees are banged up and his back is sore, but thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster that he’s alright. Akira wasn’t so lucky, the forks are bent, fairings are missing, wires are shredded, lights are all mashed up somewhere, and who knows what’s up with the electronics.

On his way to the shop, the tow truck happened upon a four-car crash before the EMTs got there, so the tow truck stopped to set up flares and Brian checked on all the passengers to make sure nobody was critically injured. Really, you just gotta laugh.

Remember kids: Gear saves lives. And if it doesn’t save lives, it at least saves skin. Which, I’m sure, is very comforting to a dead rider. I want some Reese’s Pieces.

If you’re gonna break the rules, don’t let anybody find out for God’s sake. If you’re going to rob a bank, tell a lie, cheat on a girl, you’d better not do it unless you’re damned good enough that nobody will find out.

You see, I’m not morally good — I know that I’m simply too stupid to remember what not to tell whom.

I’ve thought of kicking your kid. And “eliminating” your yapping dog.

Judge away. But hey, at least I’m honest.

1. I’m a claustrophile. I find confined dark spaces comforting. I like being inside of the MRI machine. I’ve fallen asleep during a scan. *yawn* Obviously, I’m not prone to anxiety.

     Except when caterpillars get involved. *shudder*

2. My middle finger is a ring size 4.5. My ring finger is a 4. *midgets around* *midge midge*

3. And related to rings, ENGAGED! SQUEEE!! Just kidding, omfg, JUST KIDDING!! I inherited it. It’s platinum with a small diamond solitaire and it used to belong to my great-grandmother. This is the only jewelry I routinely wear. I treasure it, I cherish it, and I finally let go of my neuroses and trusted someone else enough to get it cleaned. Mmm, so shiny, so pretty.

4. Song of the moment: “Prayer of the Children” by Kurt Bestor. He wrote this song about the children of the Yugoslav wars.

Angry guns preach a gospel full of hate, blood of the innocent on their hands.
Crying, “Jesus, help me to see the morning light of one more day,
     but if I should die before I wake, I pray my soul to take.”
Dali čujete sve dječje molitve?
Can you hear the prayer of the children?

     Seriously? Can you listen to this song without crying? Even I’m not that heartless.

5. And related to children:
     m: So, uh, yeah, never having kids.
     b: Why?! [Nephew 1] and [Nephew 2] are adorable!
     m: Yeah, for four hours.
     b: It wasn’t four hours, it was barely three.
     m: Exactly.

     To everybody who says, “You’re too young to know for sure whether you want children or not.”: You seem unable to comprehend that the extended overlap of the two will inevitably result in a homicide or a suicide.

6. Best police incident I’ve read to date: “10:33pm Neighbor dispute. Talked to one half, he lost his cat. The other half was having great fun meowing, just to get the first guy going.”

7. Things that I do not like:
     a. People who cook with long sleeves and hair hanging into their food
     b. The way white people [weee, blanket statement!] cut and peel vegetation in such wasteful ways
     c. The way marshmallows foam in hot chocolate, oh, God, *throws up a little into mouth*

a: [something about a self-professed "cool mom" because she listens to skanky music with her young kids]
m: um. is it fuddy duddy of me to think that it’s not quite appropriate?
a: nope. i agree.
m: and am i fuddy duddy for using that term?
     you can pick out the clean songs, but no gaga and no music videos.
a: totally
m: sigh. we should have babies together.
     they have wonderful technology nowadays.
a: biochem nerd babies who are only marginally versed in popular culture
m: they’d be half versed from your half
     unreasonably nerdy from me. only to be accentuated by you.

—————

a: i didnt pack a lunch today cuz i was immobilized :(
m: immobilized?
a: i went to bed around 9 cuz it hurt to stand up
m: wtf
a: headache, headrush
     and i stayed in bed longer this morning cuz i was debating not going to work
m: i get ya.
     sitting at a desk with a headache is agony.
a: yep
     sooooooo post-lunch, it’s web development time
m: X_X
a: wahhhh
     i’m so mind scattered right now
m: I SO UNDERSTAND
     i want to cuddle you.
a: lolol
     i’ve spent too many years knowing you

To every member in my life that has helped to stabilize this broken person:

I couldn’t do this by myself.

I am so grateful.

[I would write a poem for you, but I don't believe in poetry, oh, noetry.
I think poetry is a completely unnecessary literary genre.
It has no use except as a mode of expression for teenage woes and angst.]

m: Mama, [girl from my youth whom my mother knows] is engaged!
Mama: Why does that surprise you? She’s your age.
m: I know! It just feels so young.
Mama: You’re doing pretty much the same thing, aren’t you?
m: …

Touché, mother. Touché.